Ever wondered why people lose themselves and get comfortable in relationships/Marriages?Lose I mean gaining weight, letting go of our aspirations etc.Well I believe its because of Intimacy. Most of us when we get into relationships we lose our own uniqueness and individualism for the sake of building an “Us”. Do not get me wrong being able to fart infront of your spouse or share passwords is cute and shows a level of achievement in the intimacy area.Though too much of it leaves no room for mystery and can lead to a flat eroticism in a relationship. Intimacy is defined as a close familiarity or friendship and most couples strive for that in their relationship; honesty, knowing each other’s deepest fears and dreams. It gives us in a way, exclusivity to our loved ones and it’s in that intimacy that breeds comfort, comfort that leads to losing ourselves.

I know I am one of the people that often bask in the glory of my husband’s predictability and routine and in the meanwhile not put a lil effort in how I look or dress, or shop for nice lingerie or a new hairstyle or learn new make up trends . I am just a simple Tiffy that got blessed enough to marry her dream guy, getting plumpier everyday….Ok let me not be too harsh on myself.

On the other hand mystery creates eroticism, the less you know about someone the more you want to know about him. Have you ever had a crush on someone for months then after a conversation with them, whatever feeling you had for them evaporates?It’s because a layer of the unknown has been peeled away. A recent read of Esther Perel called Mating in captivity digs deeper on intimacy and sex, why people in long term relationship do not have banging sex lives and how to reconcile intimacy with desire/lust. An inciteful book that I would recommend for married people to dig in.

Growing up I never understood the need for people to role play or introduce certain mechanisms in their sex lives but now I realise it’s about trying to re invent themselves in a way that will create mystery , and in return bring a fire that was burning low or propell an existing fire to go on….Lol I mean imagining your husband as Idris Elba probably brings son kink to it.

Actually intimacy is good, familiarity is good but an equal dose of mystery is needed in a relationship to keep us on our toes, and to brew the right dose of lust. The ability to focus on ourselves before pouring into the relationship will eventually lead into us continuing to be mysterious and our partners peeling new layers and finding something new everytime.

For instance My husband and I do not call or check up on each other during the day unless its urgent, it allows us to have content and conversation at the end of the day, it also allows us to have a healthy space from one another ,and ialso allows us to get excited to see each other after a long day of missing one another . We didn’t really talk about it, it just happened. But it definitely keeps me on my toes, I often can not wait to see him to discuss the events that took place during the day so does he….everytime I hear the garage door open , butterflies start dancing in my belly.Daddy is home, our everyday song with my almost 2 year old daughter when he gets through the door.

Honestly there’s an array of things accessible to us to sustain the desire or lust for our spouses , either by romance , travelling or creating mystery in our relationships , but I believe worki g on oneself on the outside of marriage works wonders.

Marriage is a covenant with God, and let’s remember not to shy away from inviting God in our sex lives, for him to keep on reigniting passion and lust for our spouses, but meanwhile let’s not fall prey to the comfort of Intimacy.

Thank you for reading my blog, feel free to share it and subscribe, the next episode I will talk about my love story , how I met my hubby .

Feel free to like or comment, let’s engage.How do you keep things interesting in your marriage?🌸

9 Responses

  1. Open and honest thoughts, feeling and experiences put together in one beautifully written piece!!I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I would highly recommend married couples especially young people/ couples who are eagerly looking to get married. Very insightful, raw and thought provoking!

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