My naughtiness keeps dragging me to unpack on sex, I probably have the same excitement as the kids that wrote S-E-X on primary school toilets when I write about sex, yheey but do you blame me? Sex is the girl, she thinks she is! The No wonder the devil has made it his stronghold and is using it against us. I often try to have conversations about sex with married people but I always seem to get answers like “sex is sacred” in a stern face or a dismissive giggle indicating my naughtiness but never a proper let-in hence this blogpost. In as much as it’s the bomb, it requires lots of effort and the nice thing about is that it doesn’t require perfection hence I call it art, with art you just use whatever you have and throw it on canvas and hope for the best, but not perfection. I am going to unpack on the issues centred on sex in marriage and how to navigate them, we definitely have a long journey ahead of us unpacking sex .

There’s always an element of shyness centred around sex with a lot of Christians which sometimes makes me wonder do we even know what an orgasm is or rather have we even experienced it . If the church doesn’t talk about sex, we leave it open for the world to define. I mean if you are shy around your friend Tiffy about sex, are you even able to tell your husband, your sexual fantasies. I know Beast and I are not the only couple that have a lot of questions regarding sex, what parameters do we work on as Christians? Anal sex is trending everywhere, is it biblical? Before heading to bed, do we have sex before we pray, or pray first and then have sex and go to sleep? Hahaha… What about sex toys? Yhuuu honestly it is a lot, I have always found sex controversial because we grew up being told sex is bad and it has been exploited by the media so much that we don’t know which parameters to walk on, but if there is one thing I am certain of, is that sex is a beautiful and was conceptualised by God for his people, so he is definitely in it and wants us to use it for our own good, also…orgasms contribute to your wellbeing (Just kidding).

Sex makes the world go round, we consume so much sex from the media, we never know what is realistic and what is not, like sex in the shower is it even possible or I am just fat? Growing up, I looked forward to surprising my husband with lunch wearing just a trench coat, lingerie with heels hahaha it still haven’t happened because I don’t own the type of lingerie I had in mind then, they don’t make them for women my size,mxm one day I will share challenges plus size women go though. The truth is because there is so many information and trendy ideologies about sex out there, it is only fair that we would want to experiment (blame it one Eve) but to what extend? My little lunch delivery sounds cute and spontaneous until someone decides so is introducing whips and cuffs to their sex life, so where do we really draw the line as Christians?Well we don’t because there’s no line, when Jesus died on the cross he set us free from laws and rules but he left us with the holy spirit to discern for us what is good and what is bad, and the even great part is that the holy spirit lives in us, so only you and the holy spirit can decide what’s wrong or good. From my side I only trust the Holy Spirit to guide my sex life and sometimes the bible doesn’t say much about sex boundaries, so I have decided before my husband and I experiment on anything, we should ask ourselves, does it glorify God? The bible says whatever we do; we should do it for the glory of the Lord, so even in our sex escapades he is there. Songs of Solomon doesn’t really talk about the principle of the clitoris or boundaries but it narrates Gods intention for us to have passionate sex.

Sex is like a ball of fire and if used right it can soften the rough edges of any relationship, instead of using it as a tool of manipulation, I am sorry I didjt mean to drag anyone LOL.Sex is one of the tools normally used to ignite the marriage institution but if not handled well it normally burns the whole institution to the ground. Men have been clear about their sexual intentions and expectations while for us women we often go with the flow and hope for the best, it’s no wonder there is so many sexless marriages, how would we be intentional about having sex if we don’t know who we are sexually, that little headache we keep using as an excuse is becoming worn out now. It is not a surprise that women are sexually wired differently from men, men get aroused easily than women, a two seconds passionate kiss is enough for our husbands to pounce on us, yet for us women it takes us a while to be in the mood. I think that’s the gap we need to explore in order for sex to work for both parties.

Exhaustion and stress play a huge role in affecting eroticism , especially when it comes to women, because we are mothers, wife’s, home makers, on top of our careers, sex is normally at the back of our minds, notice I said mind because if we are being honest sex is psychological, it’s all in the mind so I believe women should start being intentional about thinking of sex, a great sex life requires effort, sending your husband a saucy text detailing things you are going to do to him could help simmer a desire in your mind until you see him, or intentionally wearing a matching bra and panty, that combo works like a magic wand. I mentioned on a previous post how sometimes familiarity also breeds lack of mystery, so that means both wife and husband working together to fuel their fire through romance or travelling, you would be surprised what a candle lit dinner would do for your sex life. Another mountain that stands between a couples sex life is conflicts, emotions often get the best of us, it is really not easy for women to have sex when they are angry unlike men, sometimes we use it as a weapon of manipulation, before we know it weeks have turned into months and just like that we are have thrown our sex life away. There are so many variables surrounding sex but it is still possible to have an exhilarating sex despite all of the challenges surrounding sex, and it is only when women finally own up their bodies the thrill starts to unravel , the only reason why anyone would be married for years without an orgasm is simply because they have given their body away for someone else to enjoy, imagine having a bomb organ like the clitoris and you don’t know how to use it well for your own satisfaction, yhuu ahh that is a sin.

Foreplay is the key that can unlock a lot of dormant sex lives, and it is often overlooked. .Studies show a tremendous correlation between foreplay and orgasm. I think because it is easy for men to get sprung they rush for penetration, yhuu ah ah why are you guys always in the hurry? We are here, right in front of you; please calm down. There are a few men willing to explore their partners body with the intent of pleasuring them, it is sad that some women have not experienced orgasms in their years of marriage , haaii as for me lets rather not have it then, asiyeke once! If you deem your ridiculous woman on top is necessary so is my orgasm and we will have to work together to achieve the fireworks. Men are known to be very selfish in bed and women lazy, but I always say give the woman the right amount of pleasure and see her become a beast in the bedroom. A Free tip guys, rub on the clitoris and DO NOT press on it, that little button can do wonders for you, if handled well. The only ways to master foreplay is through communication and engaging with your partner, remember the goal is not a perfect sex life but to have an exciting one

We get married practically saints to our husbands and wives ,let us take an example of Rose a youth leader in the church, so how does she switch it up in the bedroom and say “dirty” arousing talk to her husband without feeling like she is unmasking her holy stature in the church. The fact that the church does not have platforms for young people to talk about sex openly without judgement has given the world a platform to define sex and shape our own truth about sex, and honestly it has been exploited by the media so much that we don’t know the parameters to work on anymore, the world is evolving and the church is catching up and we wonder why there is so many sexually frustrated Christian marriages. Do not get me wrong; I don’t want my Pastors nose in my sex life but the truth is we build the purity gospel with marriage as a goal; we dangle the wedding night as the prize to look forward to, and then leave them to navigate it on their own. Everything concerning sex is about sex before marriage not sex after marriage.

Sex should never be rigid, it is fluid, it takes the shape of the container, lol that sounded like physics but indeed sex is science, I would hope biology but here we are deep in physics and marriage is the container, the intentional pursuit of each other sexually will eventually take the shape, I am a prayer advocate, there is really nothing God cannot fix, even lack of orgasms, that sounded weird but I strongly believe that if we open up to God and invite him even in our sex lives he will be there, yhuu that sounded even more weird but also while praying remember faith without action is dead, try to experiment with your spouse and find what both works for you, trust me the made up headaches will be healed. I wish you all an amazing sex in your married life.Sex and finances are the top reasons behind divorces, hence this very blogpost. Thank you for taking time to read the blog there will be more topics on sex to keep you tuned, so as to.learn together and hope to see you soon, next Wednesday, same place.

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4 Responses

  1. “how does sis Rose the church leader switch it up in the bedroom” hahahaha funny but insightful post,keep them coming friend

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