Unequally yoked: Spirituality in the Marriage.

“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”- 2 Corinthians 6:14

A lot of sermons I have come across interpret this scripture to a spiritual yoke, well it only makes sense as its a verse from a bible but a lot of concepts rush to my mind such as vision, skills, outlook on life etc. When two people decide to enter a Marriage, they have to consider the importance of being equally yoked spiritually. Let me start from the beginning, when two Ox are yoked together to plough on the field, if one of them is not strong enough or fit enough for the job at hand, the yoke will put a strain on the other Ox. So in the context of the scripture, I would advise that, marry someone you are on par with spiritually because he he he….LOL…in short you will see flames.

Growing up in the church (well , on and off), i was convinced that should i get Married (which was something I never looked forward to). I wanted a husband that loved and feared God. Well I think although there were few men in the church then, most of their marriages were wholesome. But the more I grew an understanding I saw a trend of Christians that marry one another because of the accolades they carry in the church, a worship leader, a drummer or Usher. I mean what could go wrong, right? But when it comes to things of the spirit unfortunately it is a one on one relationship with God that needs individual investment. It requires spending time in worship, reading the word of God , continually seeking the Kingdom of God. I saw Pastors that treated their wives badly and the Christian marriages were not as wholesome as I would perceive to be, so eventually when making my prayer list for a husband, I wanted a man that knew God and loves God but you see God is a God of specifics not ambiguity. I had to reconcile with that reality later on in marriage.

In my opinion marrying in the church (same doctrine) has its Pros and Cons , but I think the Pros out-weather the Cons. Sometimes marrying in the church creates a perfect perception of the one you are marrying, then when you get married you realize that haii your spouse has an attitude problem or the worst is still attached to a certain sin that is only being magnified by Marriage, I think it’s rather a cognitive dissonance, it takes a lot of faith and prayer to reconcile the imbalance from the perception to the reality. Although I think it’s impossible to be on exact wavelength of being filled by the spirit , I think when both husband and wife have centered their marriage in Christ, and intentionally working on their marriage, it becomes an easy journey. God does say in his word , my yoke is light. Moreover because you are planted in the same church, it means both of you will be under spiritual guidance of the same Pastors that know you very well and will help you to be accountable should one of you go out of line….in retrospect there are so many advantages of marrying in the church.

On the other hand there’s being unequally yoked in the marriage. I believe being unequally yoked in the marriage could be in a marriage union with a non believer or someone from a different doctrine, like my situation, Beast is a seventh Adventist and I from a Pentecostal/charismatic church (born again Christian). Christian women and men marry out of the church or different doctrines…..a spiritual mess I’m telling you. Let’s just say two Ox yoked together but going on different directions. So much pulling and friction. I married out of my church, DO NOT DO IT, I REPEAT, hahaha. I will start by saying when someone is not walking in the spirit, most of the time they are led by their flesh (feelings and emotions). Then when another one is led by the spirit ,faith, they tend to carry their spiritual life and that of their marriage on their own…..remember our mothers that went to church alone without our fathers?All I can say it’s that it’s a very strainous journey, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and I have seen how eventually it consumes a lot of Christians, they burn out and lose the fire the once had for God. The reason there is so much high rate of divorces is because young people put the whole marriage foundation on the concept of Love, Love when it’s not built on Christ it can only carry you to a certain mile, eventually it cracks in the fire. As someone that got married out of my church and married to a different doctrine, I often found myself lonely spiritually, he did his own thing, I did mine. It’s easy for the devil to find ground because we don’t speak the same language spiritually although we were praying the same God. At some point my fire for God burnt very low because the strain in my marriage consumed my faith.

Marriage requires intentionally, lots of it. Eventually Beast and I had to work something out. We intentionally read the word of God and pray together as a family everyday and chose to exhaust what our doctrines have in common which is Jesus and the Bible. Despite our differences in doctrines, we continually and intentionally surrender our marriage to God, there have been so many testimonies I have seen happen in my life and marriage. Spiritual intimacy with your spouse eventually overflows the other areas of your life. Hence if I would have to advice someone , I would tell them to marry someone they are equally yoked with , if they choose not to, they must know know it’s a whole lot of risk and requires lots of prayers. I however don’t think it’s possible to be on the same wavelength of spirituality with your spouse as we individuals before anything and our relationships differ with God depending on us individually.

Honestly there is no marriage if God is not in it. If you are reading this post and you are a Christian that married out of the church, how has it been for you? If you are married in the church , how was experience for you?But rest assured that Marriage is Gods concept, so you can minister to your spouse through prayer, reading the Bible, sharing a verse everyday, it might look useless at the beginning but the word of God encourages us to not cease doing good because in due season , we will reap the harvest. Moreover the Bible encourages us to minister to our spouse. To the unmarried, marry in the church, please, I beg.

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