“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”- Proverbs 27:17

The husband is the head of the family, he is the visionary and a better way to cripple the whole marriage is to tackle the husband. Toxic masculinity has been the devils weapon against marriages for generations and unfortunately we are losing the fight. The divorce rate keeps on increasing and families are being broken. One of the first conversations I had with Beast when we met was to find out who his role model was and also if he understood the term toxic masculinity. I have always been aware of how fragile a mans ego is, add on toxic masculinity its a mess. I think it’s because I watched a lot of marriages while growing up sink because of conversations that took place at taverns or board meetings …”Unsolicited manly advices that harm than build”. Toxic masculinity involves cultural pressures for men to behave in a certain way. And for those pressures to be exerted theres always an alpha male that other men listen to or look up to. As 1 Corinthians 15:3 says, “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character”.

Alpha males are men who are perceived to be leaders of the pack through social dominance either perpetuated by monetary status, power status such as a Pastors, or stature (height, strength etc), unfortunately if your husband is not an alpha male in his group , you got to pray and hope that he is not weak spiritually or emotionally because your marriage will be influenced by opinions and views of the alpha males whether good or bad. In this blogpost we will explore the bad hence toxicity. Toxic masculinity has been a reality for our mothers and sadly later on in my 30’s, I still sit and listen about marriages that are controlled and influenced by other men, yes…a lot of husbands out there are influenced by their friends, some to the extend of pleasing their friends at the expense of their wives….its the spirit or power of toxic masculinity in marriages (My opinion). Ephesians 6: 12 says  “we are not fighting against flesh and blood but against powers and spiritual hosts of wickedness”. This is among other spiritual forces that create havoc in the institution of marriage.

The reason its called toxic masculinity is because often these traits and cultural pressures are never really to the benefit of the men. For starters theres social standards of masculinity, mostly in my opinion are really harmful , anything that is of this world has always proven not to benefit children of God. Romans 12:2 says “do not conform to the standards of the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”. So if an alpha male believes and displays through actions that cheating is a manly thing that a man ought do, to prove their masculinity the friends in the group will follow suit.  If one of them does not conform, they are normally frowned upon, like they are not man enough or their woman has done something to themm, they will make him feel bad until he does, so as to feel part of the manly standard set up for them.

I once had a conversation with a male friend and asked them why they cheat on their wife despite the pain and hurt his marriage endures (although i could see it had taken a toll on him too) and he said it’s because its what all his friends are doing, married and single,he didn’t want to look like a loser, he also wanted to add on the conversations. Although he didn’t fully come out right and said it, he wanted to be accepted by the people he considered friends, as a ‘man’. So he ended up doing it and unfortunately once you start, its a door that is not easy to close. I am convinced that most infidelities in marriages are just husbands trying to prove to their manhood to their friends. Another example of a bad toxic masculinity trait is if the alpha male, say they beat their wife to “discipline” them even if its not the truth, the weaker one is going to practice it when they get home. It is always about the ego and the never ending masculinity standards and proving to meet them. There are so many traits of toxic masculinity, the list is endless really but I am hoping as a reader you get the picture im trying to draw, its just about husbands just trying to impress their friends to prove they are not controlled by their wives. I think cheating and gender based violence in marriage are the most evident and ramification of this spirit. This is where the devil has taken ground and he has been unshaken for generations in the marriage institution. 

Hence I always tell my single friends to always watch their potential boyfriends, who is his role model? Of course a man cant be an alpha male in every setting, sometimes he does the listening, who does he spend his time with? Is it people that have a good influence on him? I think it still confirms that if you can, marry someone who surrounds himself with men that build him. “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”- Proverbs 27:17. There are good alpha males out there. All these questions are important because that is where the direction of your marriage will stem from. When i met Beast, i made it known to him that I am aware of toxic masculinity and its impact on marriages, and i was stern in relaying to him that my marriage will not be ran by other men but him, that is why when he comes with weird traits I am not familiar with, I tell him straight up, this is not you. I pray for his ability to discern good and bad friends, I pray always that all his interactions and friendships should sharpen him and fill him with wisdom and lead him in a good path.

It’s important to get married to a man that knows and trust in God because worldly standards wont move him as he will know himself and who he is in Christ. He will also be aware of the men he interacts with, who he surrounds himself, if he is not an alpha male then at least the person he follows is a man of good discipline and nature, the ones that impart wisdom and mentor him to be the great version of himself. Of course there is wives reading this post already identifying whether their husbands are the alpha male or followers. Let me start by saying if your husband is an alpha male, pray to God to give him the wisdom to lead Godly by building other men. If you have identified your husband as a follower, pray for him for God to impart in him the spirit of discernment in choosing the right alpha males to follow in order to become the best version of themselves. For the word of  God also says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”- Proverbs 13:20. 

I always want to hear from you, wives and husbands , how do you manage toxic masculinity in your marriages? Lets have chat in the comments section. Thank you so much for always reading, please share with your loved ones, like, comment and subscribe. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook:@ BoldTiffy.

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