“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”- Matthew 19:6
Since I started blogging about marriage, interestingly enough I have also took upon on a role of a counselor, that time my marriage also needs some greasing…lots of it. I started the marriage blog to take everyone along with me on my marriage journey as a christian wife not because I feel I have figured things out (I always feel I need to straighten that out). I guess it is true God, God qualifies the unqualified. I also find myself bombarded with questions about marriage and I have to consult to the holy spirit for wisdom and most of the times he never disappoints . One of the questions I get has always been, “When is it time to let go of my marriage”. Well….like many couples I frequent that question a-lot too. Hahaha. There are times I feel like pulling the plug too, I think so does Beast (my husband). I never write anything that I haven’t been through first, so be assured.
I am so glad that my life is driven by the holy spirit not my emotions because I would probably be divorced by now. A life driven by emotions is never stable, one minute you love your husband and the next you wish you never met them. Marriage and relationships are very challenging and even when you feel you know God has blessed you and joined you in a covenant with someone purposefully,at some point you begin to question, like? “Helang?! Linehelloa ke tsena hahaha “.As much as I carry the ramifications of divorce from my parents, I also carry childhood trauma of an unstable home before my parents decided to part ways. I do not believe in divorce, in-fact I hate it and I avoid advising anyone to take that route, however in cases of abuse that inflict trauma and mental health instability I always suggest separation to allow the couple to introspect, reflect, try therapy and work on healthy co-parenting where children are involved. So that in the separation,they can choose to let go then try again.
However there is valid instances where you can pull the plug on your marriage, Jesus says only if there is adultery in the marriage, (Matthew, 19:9). My logic tells me that maybe because there is a breakage of a covenant and for that you can walk out guilt free without feeling like ohh my God I sinned (which I know alot of christians are obedient). I laugh at the conversation between Jesus and the disciples about marriage, the disciples concluded its better that they don’t marry then…LOL, dramatic much. Jesus also in not so many words in chapter 19 says marry if you have emotional intelligence because heiiiii holy spirit we need lots of it, anyone unmarried reading please go read Matthew 19 about marriage and anyone thinking of letting go please go read it too and ask for wisdom, for God to guide you according to your grievances in your marriage. As much as the bible gives adultery and death as the only reason permissible to let go of our marriages , I think abuse is valid. Your husband or wife striking you with a clap on the face or verbal abuse or financial abuse anything that deteriorates and sucks life and that of the children away, I believe it warrants reconsidering the whole marriage because the sole purpose of marriage is not to kill and destroy and if that is what your marriage or relationship is doing to you, its time to introspect. Let us remember the bible also gives guidelines on Husbands loving their wives as christ loved the church and wives to respect their husbands, (Ephesians 5:25) so in the instance of any type of abuse inflicted in the marriage this means the guidelines have been broken, is this marriage still serving its heavenly purpose?
The purpose of marriage is to glorify the kingdom of God and of course to add on to us, (Remember God found the need to make Adam a suitable helper in Genesis). Life itself is war as an individual and having a companion beside is to help us face life challenges and beauty with someone, although the dynamic of relationships are not easy, all relationships have problems. Reason being, humans are flawed naturally and the bible says the two shall become one, the process of becoming is the most crucial yet most problematic, this is where problems and differences arise. So like I said, every relationship has problems but its how we address those relationships that shape and help our relationships to be healthy or to become toxic. This is where we can deliberate whether the relationship is an asset, an important tool that is driving one to their God given purpose in life or a liability driving one away from their purpose but downhill to distraction of mental instability and a threat for their life. When you think you have assessed whether the marriage is a liability or asset with your fleshly mindset, always seek the spiritual view and opinion of God before we act on our feelings of hurt and trauma. The truth is marriage is a ware-fare 11 Corinthians 10:5 stipulates that our fight is not canal. And sometimes we fight in our flesh whereas the devil is fighting you so that you don’t get to your “Canaan” and sometimes you are in that marriage because you are on a mission in your spouses life for them to see and experience Jesus through you. Or maybe really God wants to remove you from an unequally yoked marriage that is leading you to a path of distraction. Whatever the reason, your answer to whether to let go of your marriage lies solely in the God in heaven. Seek him and ask him to guide you and he will. Every marriage is different and everyone is different. Whenever my emotions takeover me and I feel like I want to let go, before I begin to seek God, I always ask myself is this marriage glorifying God. Is it driving me to God my God given purpose.
Lets have chat in the comments section. How do you manage individualism in the marriage. Thank you so much for always reading, please share with your loved ones, like, comment and subscribe. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook:@ BoldTiffy.