“The Lord is my shepherd , I shall lack nothing.  He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside the still waters”- Psalm 23: 1-2.

When my mother finally decided to leave my father, one thing that stood out from that separation was her ability to start over from scratch, it was not easy but her career aided her swiftly, that remained imbedded in me. From a young age I understood the importance of a career as a woman and that it is all I ever wanted and aspired. When my husband fell down on one bended knee and asked me to marry him, the first thing I uttered was, “But I am unemployed”. You see marriage for me was never on the cards but my career I dedicated my whole life to school. Hence it became rather a cognitive dissonance, how marriage is coming before a career. All I ever wanted was to be part of a marketing team behind one of those strong brands we see on television. I love Marketing and branding so much and ny career dreams had always been centered around being part of groundbreaking campaigns. My loved ones will tell you this for free, I will dissect adverts shame and now my husband understands the basics. Six years later I am still in full battle with unemployment but I didn’t anticipate how hard it will be now, married.

The thing with  unemployment is that it has a serious blow on ones individual sense of identity, and since I had put my worth in building a successful marketing/branding career, as the the years passed by and the reality of my career not taking shape, it took a toll on my mental, emotional and spiritual stability. Unemployment is brutal guys. There is nothing you don’t try, when midnight prayers are trending you join, when people are called forward to an alter you run for your breakthrough. You try network marketing and sell products but because you are always home and don’t know a-lot of people you don’t make much. You apply for every post everyday. Sometimes you try entrepreneurship with a few savings you have but because your mental state is in shambles, you cant stick it out, that is why people without degrees hustle better, they are hustling from their Plan A (with desperation) whereas people with Degrees hustle from their Plan B (without enthusiasm, they are already mentally beat down). Then the brutal monster comes in ,the big “sgaqagaqa”, the crippler :social media. There you watch your peers live their best lives while you can’t make sense of your life. The prayers you pray to God are but “Why God”, “Why have you forsaken me”. Before you know it, you are throwing tantrums at God and end up resenting Him, depression has settled in and you are living in limbo.

The thing with tantrums is that they are short lived, my 2 year old toddler has taught me just that. You will throw a tantrum but you will go back to your Father once you come right with yourself. I almost think that is how God operates, watches us throw tantrums until he uproots a certain sin in us, so we become obedient and then he reaffirms who he is to us. Remember when the Israelites kept on complaining, they never saw the promised land until they stopped with their tantrums. Eventually I snapped out of my resentment, although I had not fully reconciled with my unemployment situation, I mean it is a never-ending nightmare. It is degrading and it strips you off your adult integrity. I was now married, still battling with this demon.

Young marriages struggle so much with finances, its one of the top reasons of divorce, whether its a two income home or one income home. Financial communication or language is not a walk in the park. The power dynamic aspect in relationships do not help either and the minute you are  unemployed, either wife or husband you have lost the battle to the person bringing the bacon at home, I think the ones that earn less can attest to this too. If there is one thing I have in common with all the unemployed wives, well the ones I have had conversations with, it is that ; Our needs are always at the backseat, while that of the breadwinner are prioritized. I don’t know yet if this comes from us as wives being naturally nurturers and willing to save by putting our needs last BUT it is quite a common thing. When I got married, my worst fear was getting into a marriage without having any type of income and my husband reassured me that whats his is ours but human beings are built with shortcomings, hey? I am sure he didn’t anticipate the level of letting go and surrendering he had to do. I mean gracefully looking at it, from a flesh (selfish) point of view , it makes sense why it’s hard for someone to completely surrender their finances, I mean they work hard for this money right and they have to give it away equally to someone who stays at home, logically it makes sense to feel like they are more deserving. I cant sit here and write and say should I have been in a position of a breadwinner, I would act differently, I do not know. It takes grace, character a shift of the love of God and dying of self to surrender all your finances to your partner, despite their financial standpoint. I do not think it is something that happens automatically, even in two income homes there is still a battle of surrendering of finances. I was surprised to learn that a-lot of two income homes just share bills and everyone sees fit with their money. Now I know the unmarried are wondering, and then? So here it goes, If you get married unemployed it will be a challenge, If you get married in a two income home, you will be met with challenges too because the devil has sunk his claws on this pillar (Finances) of marriage. The only answer is the grace and the wisdom of God. Prayer, (Please don’t roll your eyes) and seek help to help iron your issues.

Unemployment wasn’t just a demon I was battling silently on my own now but it began poking me on the side through my marriage, (Helang?!Akere we are not fighting flesh and blood)it demanded my full attention, I just couldn’t ignore it any longer. What I wasn’t aware off was that God’s plans for my transformation were well underway. A defining moment was before me. Only when I started addressing how I had built my identity on my unemployment. I undressed my shame. I understood it is not my fault. God started stripping me down bare (I laughed so hard recently watching Iyanla healing video saying before you get to the mountain top, you have to go through the valleys, Iyanla never misses with the theatrics but I love her )and made me aware how the devil has been playing with my mind all this years. The devil knows us so much, he studies us and he knows exactly where to press, for me the need to have my own career carried my childhood trauma and he whipped me with that stick over and over. God made me aware that he has placed an earthly treasure in me (purpose), 2 Corinthians 4:7 and its time I start fulfilling what he has called me out on Earth to do and that I should focus on him, it was such a defining moment for me.

At 3am, 12 May 2020, BoldTiffy was born, God reminded me that I used to love writing and he wanted me to talk about marriage (We fought so much, because I was like?We just made progress…so my little flawed marriage on the pedestal?My guy?I was terrified)I created an account on WordPress, wrote my first blog and sent it out to my 10 close friends and trusted God and never looked back. Every week its a build-up of Wednesdays, of writing and being guided by God about what to write. Last week I was filling a form at the Drs office and the part where they said, occupation, I wrote :”Blogger and Social media Manager” with my chest. I had a moment of jubilation right there. I won. Today I sit down and work on digital media and social media accounts of my blog, Strategize on my content,  Sweetie I am busy, ok? Hahaha. I think of how Im going to market and brand @boldtiffy. This God we serve guyssssss, I am using my My BA Honors Marketing Communications degree. I can fully say I am serving God with my life, talents and skills, in as much as I am getting nothing financially from it, it sure feels good to serve the Lord and live a life of purpose. 

When God created us, his goal was to build heaven on Earth and he placed purpose in each and everyone of us. Unfortunately we get entangled in the system of the world of careers, which there is definitely nothing wrong with it but we get so consumed with it we let it define it and forget to ask God what is his purpose for our lives. Sometimes you are unemployed and you have time on your hands, while you are still waiting why not try volunteering at an Non profit organization organizing funds and supplies for them. Or whatever you think you can do with your hands and time to serve God and live a life you can be proud of. A life of purpose doesn’t have to be fancy but it must fulfill you. God wants to use us but only if we want to. I think its at always at our most vulnerable time that he is able to speak to us. Unemployment was a blessing more than a curse, it helped me to fully tap into Gods purpose and to fully trust in him. I recite Psalm 23 almost everyday because this is where Gods word affirms, he is my shepherd and I shall lack nothing, and that he makes me lie down in green pastures and leads me beside still waters. God also promises to add everything unto me should I continue to seek his Kingdom and its righteousness, (Matthew 6:33). I can guarantee you walking in Gods will is hard though, the devil comes at you sideways ten-times  but it is rewarding.

Lets have a chat in the comments section. How do you manage unemployment in the marriage. Thank you so much for always. reading, please share with your loved ones, like, comment and subscribe. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook:@ BoldTiffy.

9 Responses

  1. This one spoke to me directly, i remember how i left high school with expectations… None of them came into fruition, but sometime in 2020 i too came to the realization that while i may never finish a Bcomm or work in a bank, i can use my talents to serve the Lord and His people, & while this epiphany was happening to me, your blog came along, i read about your ‘fighter’ and looked in the direction of my own ‘fighter’ in hot pursuit 🤣🤣, You blog is such a powerful tool and you minister to so many of us on this platform encouraging and uplifting us, long long may it last and grow, and before you know it you’ll be making Millions in advertising revenue @boldtiffy(adverts YOU will conseptualize by the way and put you marketing skills to even greater use ) i WILL and WISH every good blessing upon this blog Tiffy❤️😍🌹

  2. Unemployment is painful hey!! I just can’t seem to breath with all these house chores! The only thing I love is cooking🙈🙈. Cleaning is something else. I feel it would also be nice if hubby can understand when I am tired. Coz I really do get tired. Job hunting is also an even bigger monster. My 17 month old baby is draining 😭😭😭. Having a mum who is a career woman literally means uv got zero support. My mum thinks being a housewife is a walk in the park. It is brutal; no financial reward whatsoever, no rest. Lately it’s getting better coz there are neighbors who are happy to look after my baby sometimes. But then again, no bad situation is permanent. I am fighting to live my dream and use my degree!!

    1. Thank you for reading and your feedback Thakane, I can hear your frustration through your comment, should you feel you need someone that you can talk to and walk through this road with, please send an inbox so you can have someone to walk this walk with, unemployment is more spiritual than we think and it is here to destroy us. Do not take it lightly, meantime please dont let go of prayer and ask God to reveal his purpose for your life. Be blessed. Love, Tiffy.

      1. ❤️ I’m still pursuing my degree, at the end of the road and balancing a solid relationship… Your blogs are teaching so much

  3. I really do not know where to start when it comes to being unemployed, i feel like this post was for me as well. For the past two weeks i have been stressing out with being unemployed for this long, for the first time in my life I’m not happy about celebrating my birthday which is in July because I’m scared that kea hola I’m in my late twenties but i have not achieved most of things that i have planned and thought I would have long achieved at this age, what stresses me out the most is not being able to do tittle things for myself things that I should be able to do without waiting for my Husband’s pay check, a pay check that does everything for us, it is painful.

    Three days ago i prayed a lot about this and i came to a conclusion that took me back to when i was still young under my Grandmother’s care, that i did not have everything that wanted but my granny made sure that i had everything that i needed, and so whatever i had at that time I had to be happy and grateful for it because that’s all i had and nothing more. All I’m trying to say is that I may not have a job to help me get to where i want to be but the only thing that will push me is learning to work with what i have I’m smart, enthusiastic and very creating which are the things that i have to help me think about something rather that waiting and stressing about being unemployed because really stressing all day about it does not help but only drains me more and put me deep in to depression.
    Thank you Tiffy for always making us aware that we are not the only ones going through what we are going through and that in times like this that’s when God is with us more all we have to do is to listen to him.

    1. Thank you so much Rethabile for your beautiful encouragement, indeed all we have is Jesus. And if we put our faith and hope in him we shall overcome. The world has put so much societal standards and timelines but God hasn’t that is what is important, his truth. May God bless your endeavors. Love, Tiffy

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