Unmarried youth can read all the books, attend all the marriage seminars , read all the Boldtiffy Blogposts to prepare themselves for marriage but experience has always been the best teacher and anyone that is married reading now will attest that as they evolve and their marriage evolve, there really isn’t a rule of thumb to this thing, hence there will be lots of trials and errors along the way. Let me take you through my mistakes and lessons so far on my marriage journey.

  1. Confiding in people more than I confided in God.

“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7

Of all the mistakes I think this one was the most detrimental to myself and my marriage. Its good to confide but I have also realized that not everyone has the wisdom to speak life to a situation. At first when I got married I did a lot of complaining to people that I thought had the best interest for me and my husband. Onetime I came to the realization that complaining is not helping me or my situation but instead  causing harm by allowing opinions of other people in my marriage. Proverbs 4:23 affirms that we guard our heart, for everything we do flows from it. I had to learn to be careful what I consume as an advice, opinion because they would indirectly affect my decisions and behaviors. Now what? complaining is not helping, crying isn’t helping and my situation is not changing either. A married friend of mine would always tell me to pray and tell God everything but I think because as a new wife your spiritual muscle is still very small, I would take so much offense to her advice because I believed I prayed but the truth is I was not aggressively praying. But then I realized this girlfriend of mine, she never really confides in anyone but God about her issues or challenges, I decided to do the same thing, every little thing I learned to cast it all to God , even when he leaves his socks everywhere years later after several arguments about it. There is so much peace in trusting God with the little things, because it gets easier to trust him with the bigger ones.

2. Fasting and Praying for my marriage 

“Victories are won in spiritual realms”- Lisa Bevere

A lot of victories in my marriage I have won in the spiritual realm before they manifested in the flesh. This aspect of prayer I just only introduced in my marriage later on in my marriage, at first I felt like fasting for a marriage is trying too hard. Only when I learned that marriage is spiritual and the marriage institution is in a spiritual attack. When I looked around me and saw how marriages are being dissolved into divorces and how unhappy a lot of people are in marriages I realized I have to try too hard for my marriage and be more aggressive with my prayers and fasting. I was also made aware that because I am in a marriage ministry, there will be more spiritual attacks on my marriage, and the weapons of our ware fare are not fleshly. In a month I have set time aside to pray and fast for my marriage and I am starting to see the rewards manifest in the flesh. Just like people work hard for their bodies, careers, I learned that marriage need to be worked hard for.

3. Hoping things will go away and not confronting things.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” – Matthew 18:15.

Often to keep peace a-lot of people think keeping quiet and turning a blind eye to things is good, but what it does is it precedes the problem further into a bigger monster and in the long run creates resentment. By the time you want to address it , 5 years later or 3 years later the wrongdoer will not understand the problem because the behavior has become part of their character. The irony though though part of my challenges as a young wife was being confrontational, I also learned that at some i overdid it. Heiii I left no stone unturned, I had to learn how to pick my battles the ones that I felt were necessary to address (while still praying for them) and the ones that I can let God deal with in the meantime. Working harder at your marriage also means confronting uncomfortable things, setting boundaries and seeking therapy for specific areas that need to be ironed out.

We have come to the end. Its always nice to hear from you, comments, addition, constructive feedback.Thank you so much for always. reading, please share with your loved ones, like, comment and subscribe. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook:@ BoldTiffy.

10 Responses

    1. Hello Mamello, Thank you so much for your support and feedback its always good to know I am not walking this road alone.

  1. Thank you very much
    I am a first time reader , I loved your piece and I am here to stay🥰🥰 .I am a young wife too and we’ve been married 2 years now.” Heiii I left no stone unturned,” I laughed so hard because this is me, but I am trusting God to help me with wisdom of picking the right battle.

    I hear you talking about therapy, my husband doesn’t want anything to do with seeing someone, even if its his Mom.

    He tries so hard to convincing me to see his perspective on things until we resort in saying there is no need to speak.
    How do I break out of such

    1. Hey Nomcebo, I found a way of replying without approving your comment because it belonged in the the inbox. Anyway about convincing your hubby with therapy, men are never really into they whole emotional pouring out your feelings sort of thing..they normally see it as weakness, because of Societal norms that have created masculinity. What I recently learned is that before anything manifests in the flesh, you fight for it in the spirit. Anything at all , if I could share half of the things my husband and i fought about and that some of them are none existent is because I prayed about them before addressing them. Its a weapon that has worked for me but should u feel we need therapy, also pray about it, ask god for an intervention on your behalf that your husband sees your view. Keep well and Thank you for reading Bold Tiffy. Search for us on Instagram and Facebook so that we can chat further through inbox.

  2. No matter how many advices you will receive to prepare yourself at the end Experience will always be the best teacher

    1. Definitely Rethabile, we learn along the way and as long as we have God by our side we have won already.

  3. I like your first lesson, I fortunately learnt in the dating stage, that telling people how bad your partner had done gives them an entry to comment. I didn’t like their comments as I felt they never saw things how I saw them if I forgive they will still bring up old cases. Marriage is you, your partner and God anyone else is bound to bring destruction even if it’s well intended.

    Keep fighting a good fight ngwaneso.

    1. Thank you so much Sis, good to see your comments always. Beast and I didn’t date so I guess I had to learn the hard way, even the people that love you the most can never see your Marriage the way God does.. the part where they thought they can have any comment or give unsolicited advice lol. Keepwell, Love, Tiffy

  4. On my way to my own experience,I’m learning from your mistakes. This blog is Amazing Sis,thank you for saying yes to the Lord.
    I had one friend of mine(whom I introduced to the blog) go all about this one,she loved it so much she went on and on as if I wasn’t the one who introduced her*bonang hle*🤣🤣🤣😏😏😏😆😆😆

    1. Hahahaa , Thank you so much Fumi for the support and being the ambassador for BoldTiffy, sweetie next thing you know your friend is the ambassador . Love, Tiffy 💕

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