“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” – John 3:16

Often times I am confronted with a similar question from singles, do you still have a template of the prayer you made for God to bless you with a husband? Not really, I do not remember the specifics entirely but I know somewhere in the “template” whatever that is I dropped in a “God fearing man” as one of the specifics. After making that prayer I came I remember I came across a picture of a rugby player on my social media timeline and I mumbled under my breath, “I want a husband just like him, body structure”. So ambitious right? Hence when I first met Beast for the first time I couldn’t believe my eyes that he existed, is he even real? (Ok, Ok I still have a huge crush on him). I fell in love with him instantly, I knew we were cut from the same cloth, his measurements from head to toe were made and sculpted just for me. 

We didn’t date for long, he proposed four months into the relationship and in a year we were husband and wife (Please do not try this home). So in essence we didn’t know much about each other just that we love each other. Whatever that meant (I will explain this later in the blog). Prince Charles, once said “ Whatever love means” when asked if he was in-love with Princess Diana after their engagement (hahaha) yeiii the cold game of love. Anyway, I fell in love with the way he carried himself and the way he lead, he knows what he wants and he gets it. Great for him but because of his strong personality he came across as passionate or forceful. Everything about my husband is intentional and passionate, he goes to the shop he wants to go with you and he is not taking a “No” for an answer,  he wants to cuddle if you don’t want to he sulks, I fall sick and I call him, he has already booked an appointment at a Drs office and I am are going whether I like it or not. My husband wants to be with me every hour, every second. Oh My God?!

Honestly for someone who never grew up getting this type of affection, I felt smoldered. I was suffocating and the more he pushed, the more I pulled away. My husband knew and understood love differently from what I knew it to be. It took me a while to finally understand that my husband’s love language is quality time and him being present. In the flesh I saw someone that is being forceful but in my spirit I finally saw someone that is desperately trying to love me the best way that he knew and I rejected him and his gestures.

On the other hand this girl here (Me), I love grand gestures, well I religiously watched Keeping up with the Kardashians since high school, it only makes sense. Remember Kanye Wests proposal to Kim, what? A whole Orchestra, fireworks. I love gifts, I love flowers. I love being complimented, I love effort. In return this is a culture I brought into my marriage, sometimes I had to be a little forceful?! I showered my husband with my love language with the hope that he will reciprocate and he showered me with his love language with the hope that I reciprocate. Both unaware of how our efforts were misaligned it resulted in us feeling rejected in what we were offering and we felt we were not enough because the other person couldn’t exactly appreciate what we could offer. We often find ourselves questioning the love our spouses claim they have for us, Am I loved? Remember people give to the level of their ability or knowledge.

A Love language has a different perspective to a lot of people. How we experience love is how we give love. My mom and Dad taught me the language of gifts, from a young age since Christmas . My Dad would take us out for lunch or dinner my little sister and I, it was some sort of a tradition. My Dad also showered my mom with gifts. It only makes sense why I am into gifting as a love language, maybe my husband grew up being showered with lots of affection and presence from his parents. I knew he loved me but why couldn’t I feel it? He knew I loved him but why couldn’t he feel it?

One time I prayed and I asked God to show me how my husband wants to be loved, he showed me that he has been telling me this whole time but I wanted to choose how I wanted to love him. Honestly I went on a debate with the holy spirit, I told God but he doesn’t meet my love language either. “Come to the end of yourself “, said the holy spirit. . Love is a doing word, and if you believe you love your spouse but your constantly checking what they are doing for you more that what you are doing for them? I have news for you? Die to self. Alot of times our marriage breakthroughs lie in usWhen you love someone, you give. Generosity is one of the traits of love, the deeper the love, the grace. You give without reciprocity. For God loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. The grace of God is freely given through sacrificing his only Son for  the remission of our sins. He didn’t have to do that, but he did and it is true, how many things do we unconsciously feed into because we love? When you truly love something you become generous, you relentlessly pour into it. If ever you want to measure how much you love something, measure how much you are willing to give for them. God has proved it by giving his only son as a sacrifice.

Eventually , years later in my marriage I did come to the end of myself, I succumbed to my husbands love language, and I was so embarrassed to find that actually I loved cuddling….yeiii esfubeni (husbands chest) has become my favorite pillow hahaha. I cordially plan our weekends and now I can now wait for Fridays. I appreciate him taking care of me when I am sick my booking me appointments at the Dr without me even thinking of it. In Essence I stopped focusing on the flowers  I loved (I still want them Lord, guys tell this man to buy me flowers, noways!!) and I started enjoying what he had to offer me, his quality time and affection. 

I have learned over and over, time and again that marriage has to do with us more than the other person. We are a ministry to our spouses, that is why God wants us to focus more on us in a marriage because he wants us to come to the end of ourselves. Die to self and live by the spirit because it’s through living in the spirit we can fully function as a spouse, and we will be showering our spouses with real Love, from our Father. When we know who our Father is, we are able to know his love for us and return we will be able to minister it to the people around us. 

We have come to the end. It is always nice to hear from you, comments, addition, constructive feedback. Thank you so much for always. reading, please share with your loved ones, like, comment and subscribe. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook:@ BoldTiffy.

7 Responses

  1. I feel like you’re me waitse 😂😂😂but honestly I thank God for using you to speak to my life,,this post has showed me where I’ve been missing,thank you so much Tiffy for letting God work through you to reach out to us🙏🙏❤
    May God increase you the more 🙏

    1. We’re 10months into marriage me and my husband and I couldn’t been more grateful to have read this post,it has answered questions I’ve been asking myself😢😢

      1. Awww Nomsa, 10 months wow congratulations 🎊. You have been with Bold Tiffy from the beginning. Thank you so much for your support and lots of blessings for your marriage.

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