“Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”- Luke 22:42.

One of my favorite Pastors at the moment being Sarah Jakes Roberts, well she is everyone’s favorite (Boring?!), I understand because she is very relatable. Transparency is so rare these days. This past month I was so intrigued by her and I researched her and I discovered that she started with a blog, my heart dropped. Oh No! I can not be a Pastor…(Helang..mponeng lol). Beast immediately reminded me that when we first met I grilled him just to find out if he had a calling to be a Pastor because I am not about to be a Pastors wife. Let’s just say he had a field day with me, teasing me with the whole Pastor idea and I teasing him with being my Dave (Joyce Meyers husband).

When God told me to start the blog, I didn’t understand why or where it was heading. I just trusted that God will use me and I just have to be obedient to his awakening. Oh what a ride this has been. Honestly I didn’t know what to anticipate either but the consistent spiritual attacks that has come with the journey took me by surprise. I remember Dr Myles Munroe (MHSRIP) said the most ignorant prayer Christians make is, “God use me” or “Sent me I will go”, because anyone that has been called will go through tests, because the Kingdom wants to prove if you are ready to heed the calling or sometimes there will be a opposing forces to stop you. I mean if I am going to encourage and implore people not to give up on their marriages, I should walk the walk and talk the talk. (Hahaha yhooo). “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.”- Isaiah 48:10. 

Honestly like honestly, I wish I listened to that sermon before I asked God to use me because wow, no ways guys. Have you prayed and fasted fully knowing that you are under a spiritual attack? Every month, every week, I knew I had to go to war for my marriage. Have you ever seen a tug war of between lions fighting for a piece of meat, that was me almost every month since the beginning of the blog. I clenched on my marriage, blog and my salvation like a piece of meat in a tug of war and I told myself I am not losing this spiritual war. I remember the was a time I came to a crossroad to ask God that his will for my life is too much for me, at this point it felt I had to choose between his will or my marriage (Please do not judge me, it was tough, ok). Ok so I figured the real fight is against the blog or ministry, hence the attacks were on my marriage, so your good sis figured if I drop this blog then the enemy will leave me and my marriage. God took me to the story of Abraham and having to sacrifice Isaac, his only son and reminded me of the ending of that story. It was reaffirmation that I can have both, the marriage and the blog. The blog brought purpose in my life but more than anything has brought healing to a-lot of marriages, hence I fought for it and I am glad I did.

I wasn’t always the staunch prayer warrior, this season (Blog) stretched my spiritual strength. I was just someone that loved God and loved serving him with my life although I didn’t anticipate what it entailed. The first time the  spiritual attacks became intense, so did my my fasting and praying and one time I dreamed my whole house catching a fire but it did not burn me and later Zechariah 2:5 was revealed to me, “For I,’ says the LORD, ‘will be a wall of fire all around her, and I will be the glory in her midst.” I wept and cried, it was the first time I had an intense encounter with God especially through my dreams. After that dream it was a confirmation to say God is saying I maybe surrounded but he has build a wall of fire around me and at this point I fought knowing I had already won the war. The war continued months after the dream but the war is finally won. 

The real reason I have never wanted to be called into any ministry or being a wife to someone called. It is because I am aware of how Gods calling can be so overwhelming and at times not so glamorous. Jesus at the cross asked God if will he could remove this cup but either way Gods will be done (Luke 22:42) (Guys I mean Jonas ran hahaha). Ever since this season of my spiritual life happened I have more compassion for Pastors, people leading ministries, it is so easy to judge on the sidelines but instead I have chosen to pray for them drop them random messages of encouragement, because yeiiiii…..

Each and everyone of us carry a gift. Gifts to help us to bring Heaven on Earth. 1 Corinthians 12:7-11, “Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. 11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.”. Do you know the gift you carry? If not you can ask the holy spirit to reveal it to you. My gift is healing, healing relationships. I have come to the point where things of the world really don’t matter anymore. Before anything I choose Jesus and the rest will follow. Every blogpost, every marriage I intercede for its all worth it. 

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