Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding.In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6.

The more I have an encounter with the Holy Spirit, I am convicted that the design of a marriage covenant has to do with me more than my spouse. Individually as I continue to pursue God, the Holy Spirit continues also to reveal stuff about me that I didn’t know existed or make me aware of the root of my habits and because the Holy Spirit is a gentleman, pace by pace holds my hand and show me gifts that I need to harness further and wounds I need to heal. More than anything Jesus is in the habit of perfecting us individually and that is a the only he is able to heal our marriages through our individual obedience. Obedience has been my greatest friend in my walk with Christ, we don’t often get along (Hahaha) but he has proven to carry me into the promises (John 10:10) of God for my life more so, my marriage. 

I have shared a little about trauma and emotional wounds on the blog. How it contributes to our behaviors, routines and attitude and in return affects the quality of our lives or rather marriage in this instance. A handsome worship leader marries a beautiful intercessor in the church, both on fire and in pursuit of Heaven, I mean what could go wrong? They are born of God and so is their marriage covenant but marriage dynamics will soon trigger their traumas and a marriage like Heaven would feel like something unreachable. Both will pray and fast with the hope that God will help their situation. Fasting and Praying are our greatest weapon for pulling down strongholds,  casting down arguments and everything that exalts itself against God (2 Corinthians 10:3-4) but it is individually staying in their own lanes with God they will get a breakthrough.

After Fasting and Praying the Holy Spirit often drops nuggets of wisdom by guiding us in to the solution and often the solution will definitely come through you (individually) because he will be talking to you, in the event that your spouse also was praying about your marriage or the situation at hand, the holy spirit will deposit something into them. That is why in the event that your spouse is a non believer. God is confident (in the design of to covenant) that you will be able to win your spouse by pure conduct or behavior (1 Peter 3:1). A behavior that will exhibit the fruits of the spirit : peace, joy, patience. When the husband and wife individually pursue obedience then a Marriage like Heaven inevitable, it blossoms.

Most of my posts are based on my own experiences in marriage . Through lots of back and forth with the holy spirit mostly my stubbornness, I finally discerned that when I prayed either to complain about my spouse or a situation. God shows me an area I need to work on which would lead to the solution to my situation. One of the biggest issues in my marriage has been the power struggle which caused unnecessary arguments and bickering yeiiii marriage like heaven felt like an illusion at some point, so I would pray and fast and eventually one day the holy Spirit revealed to me my trauma with men. I was aware of it buy not to the depth of it. Men had disappointed me all my life. From my Dad, to Uncles to boyfriends and because of that I didn’t trust men and which led to my inability  to submit and to be vulnerable with my husband. Miss independent in a nutshell, I carried this spirit in my marriage. My husband said I was the Bull and him a Lion LOL. Our arguments would turn into a big storm that started from nothing. 

I was defensive (I am still defensive but I am a working progress..ok?), very opinionated and all of this behaviors were rooted from my trauma with men. As a first born daughter (Born leader, I  am a deputy mom) plus carrying this spirit it was concoction brewing for my ruin but the Holy spirit became gentle with me and would teach me how to be vulnerable and how to apologize, he taught me a certain tone that melts my husbands heart, then I started to see him relax without the need for him to defend his position as the Head of our family. I remember when he started apologizing, sincerely going out of his way to apologize with such humbleness. I cried real tears it was a miracle. A result of my obedience had manifested. The Holy Spirit guided me pace by pace, lol even in my stubbornness I thank God for his patience with me, it is still a process for me to fully let go but I have seen the little I have done has changed so much in my marriage. 

I urge everyone reading this Blogpost to stay in their lanes, don’t focus much on what the other person is doing, God will deal with them in his perfect way. Just continue to pray and trust in him. In the meantime and obedient to the guidance of the holy spirit, set your pace and don’t rush it. Obedience (fear of God)  is the beginning of wisdom and happy is the man that finds wisdom and the man that gains understanding. For her proceeds are better than the profits of silver and her gain than fine gold. (Proverbs 3:13-14). 

I have suffered spiritual attacks since the beginning of the blog and it is not a surprise because the enemy will try to come against anything that upholds and glorifies a Godly marriage. I would appreciate a support of prayers for the blog too. Thank you so much for always. reading, please share with your loved ones, like, comment and subscribe. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook:@ BoldTiffy.

6 Responses

  1. I only started reading this today and it has filled me with so much hope for marriage. Leaving in a dominating girls family(we are six, 5 girls and a boy)I am surrounded by the never ending tragedies of marriage and it was a bit disheartening given that we are actually a spiritual family. I am a single adult and the notion of marriage disgusted me until today. Thank you so much for being brave with your life and sharing such vulnerable struggles that many can exploit. I have learned so much. My sisters and mum always say this but I had it in my head that they had to say it because they don’t want me giving up on men. Kea leboha. For the hope you’ve planted in my heart. May God continue to show his unfailing grace on you and your husband. Ke leboha haholo

    1. Thank you so much Kedumetse, hopefully you will stay for more blogs and build with us. Life is a journey of learning and unlearning.

  2. Wow Tiffy you allowing the Holy Spirit to work on you is just beautiful to see. I love how you compare Him to a gentleman, I often realize the misconception of Who He is, He doesn’t take over a person’s will but He speaks and upto each one of us to listen and obey.

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