Still Waters run deep

Guest Writer, Moabi Makara

“He leads me beside the still waters”, – Psalm 23:2.

What may come as a surprise to most ladies is that men marry for sex. And this should not even hurt their feelings because this is a good enough reason. Men can tear down mountains or swim across oceans for sex. It is also very natural; I think it is the doing of God so that the multiplication of human species can occur without any hindrance. It is all about what they see. That is why the bible is quick to counsel us not to be deceived by perfectly proportioned hips and butt (Prov 31:30). Women on the other hand marry for commitment and security and other things, I am sure women will come in to confirm this or enlighten us. This is the most primary reason, sure there are other things that are involved and I am not even down playing their importance. When guys approach girls the attraction is sexual and the climax is in the bedroom. However the journey is more important than the destination. It is the buildup that will determine whether the relationship ends in the bedroom or not. Guys are naturally endowed with this gift, they are subtle and cunning and tactful. They know all the right things to say and do. They have the ability to get into your head and connect with your spirit, ability to gain your trust and make you relax and be comfortable. This is all so easy and natural to them. This is the process of seduction and this is critical to get to our destination (bedroom) each and every single time.

Sex is like manna. You cannot have good sex from yesterday’s efforts. God told the children of Israel that they were to collect their food on daily basis, enough for one day. If they collected more and hoarded it, it was going to spoil. Only on the sixth day could they collect more for the sixth and seventh day (Exodus 16:4-6). The same happens with sex. We (gentlemen) need to go and get it every day. Most of us think that it is enough that we have married our wives. After all this is the greatest proclamation of our love to them right! You have chosen her amongst many fine ladies and honored her. And that may well be the last time they ever feel so much love and yet we expect that one occasion to take us through all our marriage life! No, that will only take you through the honeymoon. We are tempted to think that after saying our “I do’s” we are magically entitled to good sex on a regular basis, respect, companionship and all those things that made our courtship life a bliss. There is a science and process behind all of that. It is called seduction. The good news is that you already mastered it. Continue in it, continue the early attentions, the calls, the sweet gestures, the quality time. Continue to care and show your woman that you care for her.

Marriage is a journey; I like to think of it as a love marathon, we get better at it and find our rhythm the more we run, even our mindset should be that of a marathon; we are in it for the long haul. Life is very nice during the courtship stage. And all of a sudden it becomes hard for no good reason after the ‘I dos’. Most of the time it is because we short circuit the process of seduction, we start feeling entitled to things and our true characters start to emerge, the shortcomings and all the unpleasant truths and storms about our lives. The  reality of who we are, the kind of things that we would like to hide from our partners but later surface, either inadvertently or deliberately because we are just too tired of pretending. 

Psalm 23:2 says “He leads me beside the still waters”. We are waters that the world needs to drink from. We are the emissaries of the grace and beauty of life in God. We are waters one to another as spouses. Unfortunately, the system of providence does not allow one to drink from his/ her own well. We therefore become wells of sustenance, hope and love one to another. Our spouses should be able to run to us and be reminded what love is and how it is to be loved unconditionally. In a well or wherever you find water there will always be impurities that need to be taken care of before the water is fit for use. Things that are not meant to be drunk together with the water but are part and parcel of the water. Too much has happened in our lives and we are hurt and insecure. We carry too much pain and bitterness in our spirit, wrong habits and addictions that want to take control of our lives again and again. These are the things that need to be sieved out of our lives lest they choke and kill the very person who is seeking life from our well. All this things eventually get in the way of seduction taking place everyday in order for the sex to happen.The very same thing we initially get married for gets very scarce in the process. 

Most of us are dressed up and look like we are drinkable waters and we are not, that is why it is an impossible task to do marriage without Jesus. When you choose Jesus , everything in you listens to His voice and becomes still and there is a calmness of inward storms. Let us make it our ambition to protect our  wells; take care of your well; cover your well. Allow no one to mess up your well because your wife will not be able to drink from troubled waters. Know and learn the kind of things that stir your spouse the wrong way, the kind of voltage that blows her fuse. Know her triggers. Protect her from all that and protect her from yourself. Pain hurts worse when it is caused by someone who is supposed to protect and love us. Guard the peace and sanity of your spouse with your life, eliminate anything that poses a threat to it. If spending too much time with your friends troubles her waters, they are not worth it. If you allow your ‘extended family’ to trouble your well it’s you who will suffer and be miserable until you learn to stand up for yourself, after all your spouse is you and you are your spouse, the two shall become one flesh. And most importantly never stop trying to have sex with your wife, and remember you can not have today’s sex with yesterday’s efforts. 

I hope you enjoyed todays Blogpost by our guest writer Ntate Makara and learned something form a husband perspective or point it of view. We have come to end of the blog. Please continue to share with friends and family and remember to Like our pages on Facebook and Instagram, @BoldTiffy. Thank you.