“I do not resonate with pain anymore…”- Tefelo Matela Mahlangu.

These past weeks I have been struggling to write, at first I thought its year end fatigue and I would push myself to write and dig deep and I couldn’t find anything. Honestly it startled me that I thought I got this content flowing, does it mean the Holy Spirit doesn’t deposit nuggets of wisdom anymore. Eventually I realized that my fountain of wisdom resonated with pain but pain was now a distant relative. Someone I used to know and relate to but I had outgrown. It was easy for me to unpack my pain into something purposeful but the more I wrote, the more I healed until there is nothing left for me to heal. 

When God placed this blog on my heart, I was in the trenches emotionally and mentally, probably even spiritually. I was facing post natal depression that had led to my surroundings become a minefield, everything and anything triggered me, every relationship I had triggered my wounds. I was alone in a dark hole, it was heavy. I would wake up in the morning and say a little prayer, my voice would crack and tears would start rolling down. I couldn’t relate to myself, my husband, family and friends. I would never wish post natal depression on my worst enemy. I have seen post natal depression ruin many marriages, I could see it ripping mine apart. I started the blog, Bold Tiffy in a terrible mental and emotional state and today, two years later I am healed. God wanted my healing journey to be documented, so that his name be glorified through my healing journey. Every blogpost, every scripture about peace, affliction, purification. I learned so much about myself.

God healed me through this blog, I immersed myself in him and he poured into me. I finally understood who I am in Christ, the beauty of the marriage covenant but more than anything how much God loves his children. I am so proud of myself, I did the emotional work , the Holy Spirit and I. Side by side, I relate to myself better because love myself more. I relate to my surroundings, relationships and marriage better because I am fully seeking my identity in Christ, the more God reveals his heart. It is as if I am in an euphoria, I have a new passion for life, to know that the enemy will try me but just as the word of God encourages us that we have the full armor for war (Ephesians 6 ). He is a perfect God, he is omnipotent. He designs and makes everything with intent, the essence of life, the marriage covenant, the sun and the moon that affect the weather, the currents of the sea while still bringing light on Earth. He is the creator, and he is at the center of everything, that is why he can restore anything he created and make it brand new again. Only our God can heal beyond human limitations. (Joel 2:25).

When I came to the revelation that I couldn’t bring myself to write anymore because I couldn’t tap into pain, I guess its true that it’s not easy writing from a place of happiness hence we have so many sad love songs and Adele is loved by almost everyone, pain is addictive and I realized that  part of me loved the brand of brokenness that is why I was so frustrated when I couldn’t tap into anymore. I started seeking God to show me the direction of the blog. Will he take the blog into a new phase or is this the end of the blog. Two years is a good run maybe? The blog is not growing too? Maybe it was really a seasonal platform I was given to heal myself and anyone that resonated with my pain then and in the process preaching the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. Maybe God will give me inspiration again to continue the blog in another direction. Maybe I am spiritually fatigued? I am still seeking God and waiting for a direction. Someone suggested I can write about my healed phase, grow with the blog with all the phases. Wherever God directs me, I will go. January 2022, I am going to lead a 21 day Daniel fast on the social media pages of Bold Tiffy, if anyone wants to join. Please be on the lookout.

My name is Tefelo Matela-Mahlangu, I am  healed by the blood of Jesus and I do not resonate with pain anymore. Thank you for your support, encouragements, prayers and love. See you on the flip side. May God keep you and shine his face upon you. Merry Christmas and a Happy New year. 

6 Responses

  1. Hmk…🕯🕯🕯that we may all heal and get to see ourselves through the lense God sees us. Thank you so much for this blog. Merry Christmas 😗

  2. Healing looks so good on you!

    Let’s see what’s ahead in a new year,thank you for sharing your story with us,I believe we have been ministered to in our different journeys.

    Love you lots

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