“Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18.

I have come to an understanding that people do not have relationship or marriage problems but have personal problems that affect their relationships. Not enough conversations are had about the issues of marriage in the body of Christ, especially destructive behaviors that cripple marriages like cheating and abuse. Cheating and abuse are one of the prevalent issues in marriages, the big elephant in the room that no one wants to address yet the church advises against divorce in the event that cheating takes place in a marriage. I have tried to quieten the Holy Spirit for months now about this topic, I was mostly afraid that I wouldn’t have any wisdom as I often write about things I have experience on, that is why the core of the blog is mostly about building intimacy with Christ , obedience and character refining but I finally give in because I often find myself having to advice and pray with a desolate spouse about a cheating spouse. Actually, I believe I am not spiritually mature yet to advice on such matters because the truth is most times I want to tell you to run for your life and even give you a scripture that goes along with my advice (Matthew 19: 9) hahaha but then I remember it’s not my advice to give, because only God can tell you to leave or stay, you are in a covenant with him after all, whereas the only thing I can do is walk with you, listen, pray with you and push you further towards God to anchor you because it is easy to turn our backs away from God during storms and that is the most crucial time to be at the feet pf Jesus, we hear God clearer, He is able to guide and heal us, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” – Psalms 146:3.

When I got married I told my husband that cheating and abuse would be my breaking point, and only after marriage I realized that there are many dynamics in a marriage that could lead to a divorce , character flaws such as pride, arrogance, being easily offended can dismantle a marriage into nothing. It’s always the little things that tear us apart and character plays a huge role in a marriage. Only when you are married and you hear people divorcing because of irreconcilable differences , you fully comprehend yet biblically it’s not admissible. However Cheating is a different ball game, cheating is the act of being unfaithful to a spouse by engaging in sexual and romantic relations. There are many reasons why people end up cheating and as much as the offender sometimes make it about the other person. It’s not, and it will never be, everyone has a decision and a choice to make and the dynamics around the decision to cheat will always differ.  For some it’s lack of knowledge and understanding of the marriage covenant, some not knowing their identity in Christ, some it’s marriage frustrations, some have fallen out of love, some it’s peer pressure  and while for some its pure lack of self control.  I classify Cheating as a type of abuse as it has the same ramifications on the victim as other types of abuse, hurt, humiliated, helpless and vulnerable. When a spouse lays with someone outside their marriage and comes back to have sex with their spouse, it’s violating them spiritually, physically and emotionally, and for that I believe that cheating encompasses many types of abuse in one, it is brutal, a double edged sword. While it is also abusive, it is the only sin in a marriage covenant that God allows Divorce to take place, (Matthew 19:9). The way Cheating is so rampant and repetitive in marriages I often wonder if Christians know about this scripture, that sexual immorality is the only sin that allows them to walk away. Of all the sins in the bible God presses more on sexual immorality and I often asked myself why, until I came across 1 Corinthians 6:18, “…Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.” Sexual sin is the only sin that takes place in ones body while other sins are outside the body, the scripture continues to say we become one flesh when there is sex involved. In a marriage covenant, spiritually there is 3, God, Husband and wife and when a spouse cheats they become one with whoever they cheat with , meaning the spouse that cheated has not only sinned against themselves but everyone in the covenant. 

Often the spouses cheated are burdened with the decision to leave or stay, consequences of leaving always leads to the church judging them harshly and the society treating them as failures while the consequences of staying to pray and fight for their marriage with a someone that refuses to take responsibility and not interested in rebuilding leaves them with resentment and heartbrokenness. I believe the decision to stay or leave in a marriage after cheating has taken place has to be a decision one makes spiritually not in the flesh, “For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other”- Galatians 5:17. The flesh tends to make decisions based on pride, ego, jealousy and anger but the spirit tends to make decisions based on kindness, love forgiveness and faithfulness (Galatians 5:19-22). The intention behind your decision is very important, staying in a marriage with the intention to prove a point, or being scared of an embarrassment of a failed marriage, is the same as leaving because of anger, hurt and resentment, they are both flesh motivated reasons. The Holy Spirit on the other hand is gentle and offers guidance that will lead into the path of peace and  healing, such as staying in a marriage with the intention of forgiveness and healing for yourself and your spouse considering the potential of a peaceful separation or reconciliation and rebuilding. The truth is even if God permits divorce to take place after adultery he also hates divorce,  and the scripture advises on reconciliation and forgiveness for our own well-being. As Christians it is important to pray and fight spiritual ware fares for our marriages but where cheating and abuse is persistent and prevalent, it is unhealthy to stay in such a covenant because it doesn’t only affect you emotionally but also spiritually and physically, the decision to stay could threaten your life and the purpose God has called you for on Earth. Always seek God’s will over your life and marriage always, he is a Just God after all.

Reconciliation, it is the offenders responsibility to make things right with their spouse and God, acknowledging of their wrongdoing, repentance and intentionality to work on building the trust again. I have seen couples overcome cheating while for some becoming a repetitive pattern for years in their marriage, the difference in the outcome always lies in the offenders intentionality to rebuild or their lack of accountability and a hardened heart to acknowledge their actions, which many times leaves the spouse cheated on burdened with the need to fight for their marriage alone. The responsibility of the one  offended is to forgive for their healing to take place, and should never be rushed. God advises on restoration and reconciliation always, even after separation or divorce has taken place. 

Instead of denouncing divorce as the body of Christ, let us denounce the wickedness that leads to divorce : cheating and abuse. We can not put a heavy burden of abused spouses to pray, fight for their marriages while the offender is not willing to rebuild, but let us pray with them and hold their hands and be the lighthouse where they find their healing, refuge and protection no matter the decision they end up taking. The same energy we preach and emphasize purity to the youth in the church should be the same energy we chastise cheating and abuse in the marriage intuition, it should never be the offended feeling shameful about the failure of their marriage after suffering abuse and cheating from a loved one. 

Marriage is a representation of Christ and the church on Earth. The purpose of marriage is to advance Heaven on Earth and to glorify God. It’s only possible to carry out grace, mercy, love and forgiveness to our spouses when we are obedient to the Holy Spirit, after that is our mandate on Earth as Christians. However it is also possible to know when to choose separation from a cheating or abusive spouse when we listen to the Holy Spirit attentively. Whatever decision always remember God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) but He also hates cheating/abuse too. He is a God of restoration and reconciliation and honors the marriage covenant, and it should never be our burden to carry it out or administer it, ours is to be obedient and trust his lead, Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding”.

And just like that, it is the end. Its always nice to hear from you with comments, additions or constructive feedback.Thank you so much for always reading and please share with your loved ones, like, comment and subscribe. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook:@ BoldTiffy.

5 Responses

  1. I loved reading this. The lord knows I needed this ❤️ thank you. I think the reason why we stay and justify their actions is the emotional attachment that we have. We’re so scared to let go and start fresh, and yes fear of the unknown is really scary, but God let’s things to fall apart for better things to fall together

    1. Thank you Micaela, I happy you loved it…❤️. There are so many reasons on why people stay but most times driven by fear and those are the consequences of abuse.

  2. That first line is so deep. Having to see fault in yourself, to accept your personal problems in order for you to understand what they do to your marriage is something I’m learning daily. Also, cheating kannete is not my cup of tea. Senoelo seo a se ke se mphete.

    1. Thank you Corny , Self awareness leads to character refining which reflects in our marriages…Cheating should never be anyone’s portion in Jesus name .

  3. Always a good read Sis,

    I think cheating is really brutal,a double edged sword le nna and no one should have to carry such a burden.
    Its my prayer that marriages are protected from this abuse. Grace upon grace!

    Thank you as usual for writing about these things that must be known and spoken about for healing and restoration to take place. God bless and preserve your own marriage Sis.

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