“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment”- 1 John 4:18

Recently while I was playing with my  almost four year old daughter, busking in her cute laughter and delight, I immediately got overwhelmed by sadness, fear to be exact. The feeling endowed me with restraint to not fully appreciate my daughter because most of the times nothing good ever last. I immediately realised that this is how I have been navigating relationships and I have the ability to switch my emotions on and off easily. I have been driven by fear of loss, as adults we are a reflection of our childhood or better yet our experiences, I have experienced great loss and I am aware of the ramifications and the alterations it brought onto my life. I genuinely didn’t realise that loss had contributed to my ability to fully love, it became too obvious when I had feeling to restraint myself from fully loving my daughter, I probably have navigated relationships this way but didn’t realise it until that fateful day when trauma paralysed me.

Every time I deal with many marriages, I tend to focus more on the “why”, the root of the behaviour because it helps in unpacking the real problem than dealing with the symptom. There’s trauma that comes with being a first born, trauma from divorce of parents, trauma from being cheated on in relationships, trauma from abuse or accidents. Traumatic experiences change people, it’s a psychological fact, it’s only through self awareness, one is able to heal and restore. Usually when someone tells me about their marriage problem, I always ask “what is your participation in the problem”, as an opportunity for them to reflect and self introspection and the minute they say “I know I have my faults” without articulating those faults hahaha. I see someone that is still clinging into their pride and focusing on being the victim. (Please be advised this does not apply in abuse or cheating). The story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), is a great example of restoration taking place after self introspection, at the very moment while eating spoils with pigs, he remembered who he was. In life there are two people, people that self introspect under pressure and people that are motivated to self introspect because of obedience to the Holy Spirit, Psalm 139:23-24, “Search me God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting,” reminds us of exactly that. It’s only through healing and restoration we are driven by love because fear is motivated by trauma. This is why the blog concentrates more on the brokenness and healing because it’s very important to be incognisant of who we are, search our iniquities so that we are able to learn. When one is driven by love, every decision , action is motivated by love. 

I would assume when I say pray for your marriage, that you imagine miracles will start striking in your marriage and everything will be restored and become brand new, which is still very much possible because nothing is impossible for our God but sometimes it is a process of healing before the restoration, and all it takes is self introspection. Sometimes it really isn’t a warfare on your marriage or life but just a malfunction of character, it’s who have you become.

God is love, and we have been made from his image so our mandate as children of God is to love. However our experiences of life snowball into monsters that cripple us and restrain us from fully living our purpose, “Love”. With every word uttered, decision made, action taken, ask yourself is this motivated by love or fear….it starts there progressively, you will find the little kid buried inside of you by trauma. I do not know what the future holds for me and my family, all I know is being driven by love is freeing, all I have to do is trust God and lean not on my understanding,( Proverbs 3:5). 

Just like that we have come to the end of the blogpost. Thank you for the support and reading and if you can please follow our social media pages, @boldtiffy on Instagram and Fave God Bless.

2 Responses

  1. “all I know is being driven by love is freeing,”_👈🏽👈🏽👈🏽👈🏽👈🏽👈🏽🤝🏼

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